I've got a brother-in-law with an AMAZING sense of humor & a PROFOUND touch of God on his life.
This past week, he decided to write an in-my-own-words overview of the Bible. If you know Jeremy, you know that he is VERY witty & EXTREMELY creative. I started reading his "paraphrase", expecting to be entertained... And I was! But I was amazed at the depth of doctrinal accuracy in what he wrote--not because he doesn't know it, but I just wasn't expecting it. I enjoyed it so much, I decided to quote him as the first-ever "guest poster" on my blog.
His "masterpiece" follows... I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!
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by Jeremy Brown on Monday, April 11, 2011 at 2:43pm
In the beginning God up and decided to invent a bunch of stuff, and he saw
that it was cool. Then he thought, "I'm gonna make some guys that are strikingly similar to me, only way smaller. I'll call them mens."
Well, fast forward a few thousand years and the aforementioned mens were quite plentiful, and they were pretty much wreaking havoc all over the place. They were killin', rapin', pillagin', and lots of other bad stuff. In other words, they were pirates. A lot of them had even forgotten that God existed or had whittled their own gods out of whatever they had laying around. Well, God saw that the world had become a perilous place and said to himself, "This is not cool."
So God turns to his son Jesus and says, "You gotta get down there stat. I got a plan." So Jesus goes to earth to save the mens, but he's got to wait a bit because at first he's just a baby.
Anyhoo, when he was like 30 years old, Jesus hands in his two week notice to the carpenter shop and heads down to the wharf, goes up to these guys and says, "Dudes, follow me I'm gonna travel around and tell everyone about my Pops and how this life down here ain't all there is." So for like 3 years, that's exactly what they did. They helped a lot of folks out of some tight spots and did a lot of cool things called miracles. However, the church people didn't take too kindly to ole Jesus telling everybody that God was his daddy so they cooked up a plan to kill him. Well, one of the perks of being God's son was that he already had that intel; and was cool with it. Jesus was really a big picture kind of guy. He wanted everyone to come and kick it in heaven because it's the bees knees, but he knew that if the mens kept doing stuff contrary to their hearts (sins), they wouldn't make it.
Soooo, Jesus decided he would never sin and offer himself as a sacrifice on their behalf. That way, once and for all, mens could come before God with a clear conscience like they were originally intended to do.
Anyway, Jesus manned up and let the church people kill him so that he could fulfill his Daddy's plan to reconcile everybody. He even asked God to forgive the people that were killing him because they had wool over their eyes. But death couldn't even hold our hero down, because in three days he walked out of the grave and went and chilled with his peeps. He told them, "Dudes, my work here is done so I'm gonna go back to Dad's house. BUT I'm sending Holy Spirit to live in those who accept me and my work, as a reminder that I'm always with you." Then Jesus went outside and BOOM, he took off and sure enough he did send his Holy Spirit, and he's been here ever since. And this…is not the end.
